A Helpful Suggestion

By Dale Cooper

Governor Chris Gregorie just called a special session of Washington’s legislature to deal with our state’s economic crisis.  I humbly offer the governor and our progressive political leaders this simple three-point plan that’s a sure-fire way to create wealth and insure prosperity for all of their subjects.

First – – Since our progressive political leaders have recently untethered the state’s minimum wage from its hitherto inconvenient relationship with objective metrics to subjective ones, the time has come for truly bold action on the income front.

After all, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Raise the minimum wage to $100 an hour.  That will insure that all of us will reap a handsome living wage.  And just think of all those lovely sales tax revenues that will fill the state’s coffers when we buy green hybrid automobiles and gatta-have electronic gadgets with our new-found wealth.

Second – – A reasonable person might ask “Where is all of the money coming from to pay the $100 an hour minimum wage?”

Simplicity itself.

Impose a maximum wage of $500 per hour or $20,000 per week, whichever comes first.  That way people like those “please tax me more Gateses” will realize their fondest dream while at the same time helping all of us little people.  Why, it’s just about perfect?

Third – – Some spoil-sport, ill-tempered conservatives might label this plan as too risky.  They might even say that it would bankrupt businesses and cause massive unemployment.

Not to worry!

All of our progressive leaders from Nancy Pelosi and John Kerry on down, assure us quite authoritatively that unemployment benefits create jobs.  In fact they say, that every dollar of those benefits has a multiplier effect of 1.6x which means a $100 unemployment check creates economic ripples worth $160.

Why heck, that’s enough to pay for over an hour and a half of someone flipping burgers.

So my dear progressive political leaders, don’t let those nasty naysayers deter you.  Don’t fear unemployment.  Welcome it!

Remember all those benefits that ripple from Walla Walla and Pullman and Bellingham eventually wash up on Olympia’s shores.  Just think.  It’s a veritable bonanza for everyone involved.

Of course there is one downside to this plan.  Burgers.

We’d probably have to shell out about $30 or $40  for a Bib Mac.  But with all that extra cash out there, that’s not a big problem.  After all, we could all afford it.