Quarantine humor

I’m having a Quarantine Party this weekend.  None of you are invited.

Now, when I’m watching a television show or movie.  All I can think of is – everybody is standing WAY to close.

I use to spin that toilet paper like I was on the Wheel of Fortune.  Now I turn it like I’m paying a dollar a sheet for it.

After Quarantine Day 16 I’m starting to take calls from telemarketers.  Some of them are actually quite nice.  Jamar from Superior Life Insurance has a new baby.

My wife and I play this new game while we’re quarantined – – Why are you doing it that way?   I usually lose.

Just bought six pounds of cheese.  Won’t need toilet paper now.

My car probably thinks I’ve died.

Anyone else getting tan from the reading lamp?

I just got pulled over by the cops.  he said “I smell alcohol.”    I said, “That’s because you’re not respecting social distancing.”

(Editor’s note:  None of this is original from me.  I stole in from Mike Pinch.)